rewrite this title We Asked Sandwich Generation Caregivers How You Can Make Their Lives Easier—Here’s What They Said

Though the idea of taking care of children and aging parents at the same time might seem undoable, more than half of Americans in their 40s are so-called sandwich generation caregivers.

While rising to this challenge is often necessary, it can also be time-consuming and stressful, affecting the health of the person dedicated to caring for others.

One recent study found that sandwich-generation caretakers report more mental health issues than others and that those who spent more than 20 hours weekly on caretaking tasks had faster rates of physical decline.

“Family caregivers experience many sleepless nights,” Pamela D Wilson, MS, a caregiving expert and advocate, told Health. “This lack of sleep can result in physical exhaustion, which can negatively affect the mind and decision-making.”

Sometimes, it’s obvious that a caregiver you’re close to isn’t doing so well, while in other cases, you might not be so sure how they’re faring. Either way, watching someone care for parents and children can leave you wondering how best to support them.

That’s why Health asked current sandwich carers what others can do to lift their spirits and make life just a little bit easier. Here are their top tips.

Amul Ganger’s 72-year-old mom recently moved in with him, his wife, and their three children. His mom has Alzheimer’s disease and dementia, and her needs vary from day to day.

Sticking to scheduled events can be unpredictable, so he appreciates most when friends and family are flexible. “My mom is not that bad where we can still plan things, but there are times where unplanned time is needed with mom,” said the 43-year-old.

Drew Meyer, 49, said he also sometimes has to cancel plans. He’s the primary financial provider for his wife and two kids, and has the added responsibility of caring for his mom, who is living with Alzheimer’s disease.

Despite this, Meyer hopes the social invitations keep rolling. “As time can be sucked up with caring for others, time to be social outside of the responsibilities is at a premium,” Meyer said.

For the past four years, Lori Gasparaitis’s 90-year-old father has lived with her, her husband, and their two daughters, 14 and 10. The 50-year-old balances caring for him and her children while working full-time as a store manager at Walgreens.

Though Gasparaitis’s sisters and husband chip in to care for her bed-bound father, she still takes care of him at night, and through the early morning, as well as on weekends, she said.

“It can be exhausting,” Gasparaitis said. “I’ve had my share of meltdowns, especially when my siblings are out on the weekends with their husbands doing things, and I’m at home cooking, cleaning, caring for dad, and trying to be a mom to two daughters who need me.”

Finding time to spend alone with her husband, children, or sisters is the biggest challenge, Gasparaitis added.

That’s why she cites offering to be with a friend’s parent—even for just a few hours—as one of the best ways to allow a caregiver to reset. “Having a strong support team around you is crucial, whether it’s to help you out physically, mentally, or emotionally,” Gasparaitis said.

Ganger, too, appreciates it when people “show up” for him. “With the three kids, having people help out with rides, even if it’s last minute, is a big help,” Ganger said. “I coach my son’s youth football team, and there were a few times I had to have other coaches step up when I needed to help mom, and my wife was with our daughter at her cheer. It means a lot when people get it.”

Elizabeth Wade, 47, is a mother of three kids and helps care for her elderly parents. Currently, she’s assisting with their transition from their home of 60 years into an assisted living facility.

With a full-time job on top of her caretaking duties, she said lack of time is her biggest challenge. That’s why she also appreciates it when people offer to help her with a task, like researching the pros and cons of various assisted living facilities.

There’s one caveat, though: It’s only helpful when someone takes charge without direction from her, Wade said.

“If someone asks to do something or is offering to help, it’s key for them to take it to the finish line without much direction from me. Otherwise, I might feel like I should just do it myself,” Wade explained. “Once I offload a task, I really want to forget about it as I have so many other things to tackle.”

“When someone offers to do the research, and they follow through all the way to finding the best solution, it’s a huge help,” Wade added.

Mayer said that caring for his mother on top of his other responsibilities has been stressful. “My wife has taken care of most of the healthcare of my children, and I’m like a lot of men who aren’t always great about going to doctors, so being in charge of the healthcare of my mom is kind of a new world to navigate on top of everything else,” he said.

That’s why Meyer said he’s grateful when people offer tips about how to make caring for his mom easier. Some recent advice he appreciated? A friend of his mom’s told him about an automatic pill dispenser to “ensure she was getting her pills and at the right times every day.”

Listening to a friend or family member share the struggles of caring for kids and a parent goes a long way, said 49-year-old Beth Wirtz, mother of three. Wirtz’s 90-year-old mom was diagnosed with dementia in 2020 and moved into a memory care facility in 2021.

“My sister and I are struggling with our mom,” Wirtz said. “The choices, including financial, we have faced and are facing basically make us choose between our mom and our kids’ futures or ours.”

While others may not be able to solve all her struggles, she said simply being there and acknowledging her situation is comforting.