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The year is 1990. Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in prison—at least I think that happened (googles “Mandela Effect”). NASA launched the Hubble telescope into outer space. McDonald’s stopped cooking its fries in beef tallow, and Kate and Peter McCallister entered the pantheon of worst parents ever. On the gaming side, it felt like the calm before the storm with the Super Nintendo to launch in North America the following year. With all that going on, here are the top games from 1990.
Spinal Breakers (HAMSTER) on Nintendo Store
Honorable Mentions: Railroad Tycoon, Spinal Breakers
An early simulation game from eventual Civilization creator Sid Meier, Railroad Tycoon was far more popular than similar titles, Phosphate Baron and Lamp Lighting Mogul. Spinal Breakers cast you as Captain Waffle, who returns to Earth to face time-traveling androids that have been affected by nuclear fallout. No, really, that’s the plot. The high point sees Waffle slaughtering herds of triceratops and cavemen with his futuristic arsenal.
5) Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker
Legendary tough guy Michael Jackson got his own beat-‘em-up to usher in the new decade where he goes around rescuing children while shooting magic dust out of his extremities rather than actually punching or kicking. There’s a joke (or 500) to be made here, but I think I’m better off backing away slowly while never quite lifting my feet off the ground.
4) Smash TV
Set in the dystopian future of 1999, Smash TV was a twin-stick shooter based on the idea of an ultra-violent television show à la Arnold Schwarzenegger’s The Running Man. Considering we’re a quarter century past when this show was supposed to air, the suits in Hollywood need to get their act together. I know I’d rather watch that than Real Housewives of Podunk.
Dr. Mario (Nintendo) on Nintendo Store
3) Dr. Mario
Best known for his plumbing prowess, Mario has also worked as a janitor, boxing referee, tennis umpire, and monkey tamer, just to name a few. His stint as a doctor requires further scrutiny, however, as he seems content to just hand out random barbiturates, opiates, and stimulants until either the disease dies or the patient does. On second thought, that sounds on brand for the current state of the medical community.
2) Mercs
Composed of equal parts running and gunning, Mercs tasked the three members of Wolf Force, a totally rad name for a band of mercenaries, to infiltrate the African nation of Zutula and rescue a former U.S. president by any means necessary—and those necessary means involved killing everything in sight.
1) The Secret of Monkey Island
An all-time classic and easy choice for the top spot for 1990, The Secret of Monkey Island followed the trials and tribulations of Guybrush Threepwood as he tried to become a pirate. Nowadays, you can just head to the Apple Store and get an iPatch. On that note, I’ll “sea” myself out before I get the hook.
Related: These Were the Best Video Games of 1989
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