rewrite this title What Is Money Dysmorphia? When Money Never Feels Like Enough – NerdWallet

Have you ever felt stressed about your finances even though, objectively, you’re doing pretty well?

Money dysmorphia is a disconnect between how you feel about your finances and what the numbers actually say. It’s not about income — it’s about believing you’re not OK financially even when, realistically, you are.

“I see folks with a lot of money who think they’re poor,” says Joy Slabaugh, a certified financial planner and financial therapist in Longmeadow, Massachusetts, and founder of the Wealth Alignment Institute. “Legitimately, people with tens of millions of dollars who believe they’re poor.”

Conversely, money dysmorphia can show up in the opposite way: spending too much money when you don’t really have the means.

“It really does impact how you react to [money] now as an adult,” says Kaylee McClellan, a CFP in Minnetonka, Minnesota.

While not everyone who has a negative money upbringing grows up to be stressed about money, it can often explain some things.

“It’s so very behavioral,” McClellan says. “What is the source of this, and how do we start to rewire our brains to think about it differently?”

She estimates she sees some version of this in three-quarters of the people she works with. “I see this most often with retirees, especially newer retirees, who are hesitant to spend for fear of running out of money.”

Even when the numbers say you’re OK, outside influences can reinforce a disconnect.

Social media magnifies money dysmorphia by making it easier to measure your situation against everyone else’s. Pre-social media, people mostly sized themselves up against neighbors or community members. Now you can compare yourself to everyone you’ve ever met — and even people you haven’t.

“Social media has really made the distance smaller,” says Naima Bush, a CFP in New York City and financial guide for financial planning platform Fruitful. “We open our phone and see someone doing that and we’re like, ‘Oh, we can obtain this kind of success.’”

In addition, there’s a proximity effect that makes us feel like what we see is what everyone is experiencing, says Mike Michalowicz, a speaker and author who studies the behavioral side of money.

“If I live in an affluent area, my perception is, the entire world is affluent,” Michalowicz says. “We believe that whatever we see on social media is representative of the world.”

“It can be really harmful for people’s well-being, in that they’re never happy, they’re never satisfied,” Slabaugh says. “That’s really stressful to you even though the reality is [that] you can pay the bills and you can care for yourself for the rest of your life.”

“Let’s say you want to be able to pay off debt or travel,” Bush says. “If you continue to overspend or not live within your means, those things are further and further away from reach.”

“When your trusted money people say ‘Yes, you’re OK financially,’ and you still feel worried or stressed about it, that’s a sign that what you’re feeling isn’t lining up with the reality of your situation,” Slabaugh says.

If you don’t have an advisor, this could be a good time to consult one. You might be making enough money but not managing it well — or not making enough and spending too freely.

Writing down your income, expenses, savings and debt can be a good first step.

“What do you have coming in, and what do you have going out?” Bush says. “Really have that tough but honest conversation.”

“Money really can be a tool, and it can also be a source of suffering,” Slabaugh says. “If you’re finding that money is a source of suffering in your life, then that’s an invitation for you to reach out and get some support. Because it doesn’t have to be that way.”