rewrite this title Why Kyle Richards Took a Break Filming Current Season of RHOBH: ‘Didn’t Have It In Me’

“It was absolutely the closest I’ve ever gotten to not coming back to the show,” the longtime reality star shared in a new interview — adding that certain costars wanted to “hold me accountable for walking out.”

In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Richards shared why for the first time in 14 seasons of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she needed to step away from the cameras.

“I just didn’t have it in me anymore. I was at a point where I was so depressed, frankly,” she told THR of an upcoming episode, which is teased at the end of Tuesday night’s new hour. “I’m not someone who gets depressed. I’ve had anxiety my entire life but never depression. I really felt like I was struggling with depression and I expressed that. And I just felt like I could not go into scenarios all the time and just have everyone coming at me.”

Richards says when this happened seven months ago, she stepped away for about a week during production.

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During that time away, Richards reflected on whether or not she wanted to return to the show. While she ultimately decided to remain on the hit Bravo franchise, that decision was also complicated and came, in part, due to her desire to keep busy amid a newly quiet home following her split from ex Mauricio Umansky.

“It was absolutely the closest I’ve ever gotten to not coming back to the show. The show is a lot of pressure as it is, and I had so much going on in my personal life that was difficult and painful,” she recalled. “I was like, ‘I don’t really know how I can go through a season dealing with this.” We also have a lot of fun on the show too, and I didn’t even know if I had it in me to do that.”

Richards continued, “I remember coming home when Mau [Umansky] had first moved out and [their daughter] Alexia had just moved out. It was like, ‘Oh my gosh, my house is so quiet.’ I’m not used to that. It was one of those days where no one was there. This was going to be weird for me to have this new life of having less people home, I thought. And, on top of that, wanting to be busy and occupied. Even though I’m producing and doing other things, the show takes up an unbelievable amount of your time, and while that can be a bad thing at times, when you want to distract yourself it’s a good thing.”

“That was part of it. Also, the people who I do the show with — the crew and production and the people I’ve worked with for these last 16 years — are a big part of my life,” she added. “I felt like that was going to feel like another loss, and I didn’t know if I had that in me. So I really had to take time to process all of that, and that was what ultimately made me decide.”

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Her fractured relationship with Dorit Kemsley also played a role in her initial hesitation to return, telling THR that they’ve only recently gotten to a good place.

“It’s like one step forward, two steps back. But we did eventually. We did go recently to a party at Kathy’s house [Hilton]. I just wanted it to get back to where we were,” she said of her relationship with Dorit. “Because all I kept thinking is that we should be supporting each other now. We’ve gotten to this good place, why do we have to do this again?”

“We should be leaning on each other; we’re both going through a hard time,” she added of Dorit, who too separated from her husband, PK, last year.

While Richards said she does not regret taking that step back from the show, she does regret how she handled it in the moment — which fans will see soon in season 14.

“I regretted how I handled it, but not leaving. I just didn’t have it in me anymore,” she said. “People I thought were my friends, all of a sudden it felt like they weren’t. I just felt like it was too much with what was going on in my life and I thought, ‘Why would I subject myself to this? I don’t know why I’m continuing to do this.'”

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Production respected Richards’ decision not to film too, giving her the space she needed during that week off.

“They know that I’ve never done that. In all these years, I’ve never called in sick or not shown up for anything ever; I’ve never canceled a shoot. So they said, ‘Take this time, I think you need it, and we’ll reconvene when you’re feeling better.’ I definitely felt supported by the network and production, so I took that time until I felt strong again and gathered my thoughts at what I wanted to do.”

While she felt supported by production, that wasn’t exactly the case when it came to her cast mates.

“There’s a scene where I did and then there were some people who said they were going to hold me accountable for walking out. And I was going to choose to turn the other way on that one because I didn’t want to go through that again,” Richards recounted. “I was getting a little stronger when I came back and then once I got past that, I don’t know if ‘supported’ would be the word, but I think they understood.”

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As for how many more seasons Richards sees herself doing of the show, the Halloween actress said that depends.

“I’m not avoiding the answer, but I always say I never know because it depends on my personal life emotionally — if I can handle it, what my lifestyle is at the time,” the mother of four said. “Who knows? I could look at this episode when we hang up and go, ‘I’m not doing this anymore!’ You’ll catch me on a Wednesday scrolling through Instagram and I’ll go, “No! Why did I have to see that!” I’m definitely in a stronger place than I was when I started last season, absolutely, and I’m very grateful for that. My life is constantly changing right now. But it all depends where I’m at.”

She continued, “One day, that day will come where I’ll say, ‘OK, enough.’ I saw something that said, ‘If Kyle does another season, 15 seasons, she’ll be the longest-running Housewife in franchise history.’ There’s kind of a part of me that wants to have that! And then I’m like, ‘For what, Kyle?! For what!'”

See all the drama unfold on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, airing Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. ET on Bravo.